S3E1: Leadership Hack: Listen to Learn, Not to Respond (feat. Erin Barry, PhD)
Rahul
Welcome to Learning to Lead, a podcast about leadership, teamwork, and reimagining healthcare. This podcast is for learners, educators, and healthcare professionals interested in building leadership skills in a supportive community.
We are your hosts Rahul Anand, Maya Doyle, Peter Longley, Amber Vargas, and Brooklynn Weber.
Together we bring you conversations with emerging and established leaders, deep dives and hacks to help you become the best leader you can be.
Brooke
Hi everyone. Welcome back to Learning to Lead, with us today is Dr. Erin Barry, PhD. Erin is an associate professor in the Department of Health Professions Education at the Uniformed Services University. She's a scholar, author, and ICF Certified Leadership Coach. So Erin, what is your favorite tool or hack to become a better leader?
Erin
Thank you. So I think the one that's sticking out to me the most is listening to learn and not respond. And it's something that I first put into practice through my coach training, and I'm honestly still working on it, especially at home with pre-teen daughter and a teenage son. I think it's something that I'm constantly trying to do better. So I realized that really truly listening requires silence, and that silence is my own thoughts and my desire to fix everything and even my assumptions about where that conversation is going. And so there's really three takeaways in that broader sense of everything that's really been helpful in that space for me. And so first is that we've all had those moments where we ask someone, Hey, how are you? And we've already continued halfway down the hall or thinking about how we're going to respond after we've introduced ourself in different ways.
And so I think when we do that, we're really missing what's being said, whether that's verbally. And so I think really listening to learn is asking us to slow down, to get curious and give other people space to reveal what's on their mind in different situations. And then secondly, from that and coaching, I've also learned that sometimes the first thing that someone brings up in a conversation isn't really what's bothering them. If you cut them off in that moment, you don't get to the actual problem that they really want to focus on. So usually it's down the path letting them continue talking, that last thing that they say is really the issue at heart. And so letting them have that space to talk and to just get something out there so that it doesn't become my path that we're walking down, it becomes their path.
And then finally, with that, I think listening also means paying attention to a lot of those nonverbal communications. So someone's tone or their energy shift. If someone says, I'm fine, but they're looking really uneasy, that's a lot of data that we're collecting on people. And so even too, when people are exploring new ideas, whether it's research or different things that they want to go and do with their time, you can see in their expression the way they're talking, that excitement of what really is jazzing them up or something that they're really not interested in doing. And so I think being able to pay attention in those moments and watch and listen to what they're saying, I think that's really been fun to see. And that's the space where you can be like, tell me more about that. I noticed a shift here. Tell me more about what's going on right there. And so for me, I think this hack has really transformed how I can connect with other people, people, whether that's my coaching clients, whether that's students, even my kids. I'd say they're going to be examples in everything I use. And so I think it really reminds me that leadership isn't always about having the right answer for myself because sometimes it's about creating spaces for other people to find their own space.
Brooke
Yeah, I love that. That was all so well said. Also, I think that on the outside it seems simple just listening, but it's something that we all struggle with and it's really, as you said, there's so many layers to it and you can learn so much from just listening and really trying to take in what they're saying.
Erin
Absolutely. Because that monologue going in your head, it's really hard to stop sometimes. But trying to get it to stop and truly listen to what someone else is saying is always fun.
Rahul
This is Rahul. I have a couple of things to add. One, as you were saying that I was literally trying to tell myself to listen, to learn and not respond. So thank you. And second, I've been given some communications homework to to work up my skills, and I think I learned more from you in a few minutes than I might have learned in the entire year. So thank you.
Erin
Happy to help. Different situation again. It's still something I am working on myself. This is not a simple tool.
Maya
Well, and we got to give ourselves grace, right? We're never going to do it perfectly all the time, every day. No way, no way. But to make that effort to hear others is so important.
Erin
Right? Well, and even in those moments too, if you recognize that someone's having a hard time and you don't have the time taking that pause of like, Hey, I am noticing something's really off. I have to run and do this, but can we reconnect in a few minutes? I just want to make sure everything's okay. So I think it's recognizing those moments and showing that you're there and you're truly listening, I think is really what people see.
Pete
And one of the things I struggle with, this is Pete is knowing or assuming I know where they're going with the conversation. My wife always would be like, just let me finish. And I'm like, ah. But I do it sometimes with, I'm more patient with students because they are learning and I just kind of back off and listen, but I don't know where they're going. So it's really family and friends, stuff like that where story or you think you know where the story's going. I tend to give non-family and non-friends more of my listening skills. So sometimes it hurts to get to truth.
Erin
It's fair. It's hard too when you've been listening for so long at work to come home and have to listen more sometimes. It's hard. It's a long day of listening.
Pete
Very true.
Brooke
Thank you so much, Erin. That is such a great hack, and I think all of our listeners will benefit from hearing that.
Brooke
Thank you for listening to our show. Learning to Lead is a production of the Quinnipiac University podcast studio, in partnership with the Schools of Medicine, Nursing and Health Sciences.
Creators of this show are Rahul Anand, Maya Doyle, Peter Longley, Amber Vargas and Brooklynn Weber.
The student producer is Brooklynn Weber, and the executive producer is David DesRoches.
Connect with us on social media @LearningToLeadPod or email us at LearningToLeadPod@quinnipiac.edu.